Most parents complain, at least from time to time, that their children don’t listen to them. Shouting doesn’t help, and chances are it will only aggravate the problem. Try these tips for forging better communication with your kids:

• Get their attention. Don’t start talking if they’re focused on something else. You may have to do something unusual—to reach a toddler having a tantrum, for example, trying giving his or her back a few pats or a tickle. For older children, singing a song may break through their wall of boredom or inattention.

• Be brief. Most kids don’t want to listen to long lectures. When you have something to say, get right to the point. They’ll get the message without feeling patronized or growing bored.

• Write a note instead. If your message isn’t time sensitive, try writing a note to your kids. They can read it at their convenience, and you’ll be able to put more detail into it than you would in a brief conversation.

• Stay positive. Don’t just assign chores and tell kids what they’re doing wrong. Praise them and thank them so they won’t automatically tense up when you ask, “Can I talk to you for a few minutes?”

• Set the right example. When kids have something to say, give them your full attention. If you ignore them when they’re trying to talk, they may do the same.